


Catharsis

by TempestBlessed



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Blood, But not drinking blood, Coda, Drinking, First Kiss, Introspection, M/M, Season/Series 15 Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-11
Updated: 2019-11-11
Packaged: 2021-01-27 12:35:36
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,743
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21392254
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TempestBlessed/pseuds/TempestBlessed
Summary: It was pure chance that brought them back together, in as much as anything is by chance.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 2
Kudos: 43





	Catharsis

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my fic! This is the first fanfic I've written in years and my first time for Supernatural. I hope you enjoy!

It was pure chance that brought them back together, in as much as anything is by chance.

Dean and Sam were investigating a possible case in North Bend, Washington that had the scent of werewolves all over it, but so far every lead they’d followed had come up dry.

“Maybe we got this one wrong, Sammy,” Dean said one their way from their motel to a bar just down the street.

“You saw the photos, Dean. Maybe the pack moved on.”

“Or maybe it was a cougar or coyote or something. Rabies, I dunno.” Dean opened the door to the bar. “After you.”

Then he nearly ran into Sam’s back when he stopped two steps inside.

“Hey, you wanna hold off on ogling chicks until after we get beers? Or at least let me get one?” Dean shoved his way past Sam’s shoulder and froze. There was Cas, seated at the far end of the bar, drinking… was that a mai tai?

“Excuse me, can we get through?”

“What? Oh, yeah.” Dean and Sam moved away from the doors to let a group by, then Dean froze again, eyebrows furrowing.

“Dean!”

“What?” he asked Sam.

Sam cocked his head to the side. “I said, I guess we know what happened to the werewolf problem.”

“Oh. Yeah.” Dean licked his suddenly dry lips.

Sam looked between his brother and the angel, trying to assess the situation. “Do you want to go somewhere else? We passed another bar not too far from here earlier.”

Dean looked back at his brother and cleared his throat. “No. It’s all --. Hey, let’s go grab that table. The waitress over there is hot.”

It didn’t escape his notice that the chosen table also provided a clear line of sight to Cas, although Dean was doing a fair impression of looking everywhere but there. After ordering two beers, they sat in silence. Sam struggled to remember the last time he’d been in a situation that felt so awkward and was relieved when their drinks quickly came.

“Since we came this far and things seemed to be resolved, maybe we can do some sightseeing, take a little vacation,” suggested Sam, to minimal reaction. He pressed on. “It’s football season, right? We could go to a game.” That got a slightly stronger response, but only slightly.

Sam sighed. “Why don’t you just go talk to him?”

Dean’s gaze flicked involuntarily to the angel across the bar. Then to a man putting his hand on the angel’s shoulder and sitting down next to him to order a drink, then back to Cas as he turned to face the newcomer, an easy smile on his face. Dean’s chest tightened at that smile and he tore his eyes away, burying whatever feelings had started to bubble up. It was the shock at seeing the angel again, he told himself. Cas had chosen to leave, and that was fine. Like he’d said, Dean and Sam had each other, and they were getting on just fine thank you very much.

“Yeah, football sounds good,” he said to Sam. “Knew you’d come around to it eventually.” He picked up his untouched glass of beer and gestured towards Sam with it before taking a drink. “You’re gonna love it.”

“Yeah. I’ll look for tickets when we get back to the motel. So what happened—“

“Make sure you get good seats, none of that nosebleeds or obstructed view bullshit.”

“Sure, I’ll see what they’ve got.” Sam noticed Dean’s eyes flick back to the other end of the bar again and turned to look. His eyes widened.

“Cas must’ve teamed up with another hunter.”

“Yeah.” Dean took a long drink of beer. “Good for him.”

Sam eyed the now rapidly depleting amount of beer in Dean’s glass. The waitress passed near and Dean flagged her down.

“Could we get two double whiskeys, neat?” he asked, all charm.

“Sure thing, hon.”

When the whiskeys came, he immediately slammed one back before starting in on the other at a more moderate pace.

With Dean set on brooding, Sam gave up on making conversation and turned to his phone. He thought about looking up football tickets, but he didn’t really want to go to a game and was very skeptical that Dean would remember he’d even brought it up. He was pretty sure his response had been more of a reflex than anything else. His thumb hovered over the messaging icon, thinking to text Jody.

Before he could open the app, his train of thought was interrupted by stool legs screeching across a bar floor as Dean stood up abruptly. Sam looked up. Cas and the other hunter were no longer at the bar, but he felt a cold gust of wind as the bar door swung open. A second gust hit him as Dean exited the bar, and Sam hurriedly pulled out his wallet to pay for their drinks.

“What the hell, Cas?” Dean shouted.

Cas started and turned, letting go of the passenger door handle of a pickup truck. The other hunter paused, halfway into the driver’s seat. The truck was parked near a street lamp, providing just enough light for Dean to see Cas’s expression transform from one of relaxed joy to shock to neutrality.

“Dean.” Cas blinked and locked eyes with Dean.

“You left. You just left.” His voice broke a little. Dean took a breath before speaking again. “Where the hell have you been?” Anger. Much better. Stronger.

“Is there a problem here?” asked the other hunter, getting out of the truck and stepping around to stand in front of it.”

“Stay out of this,” shot Dean.

“It’s okay, Steven,” said Cas. “To answer your question, Dean,” he continued, tersely, “I have been where I can be useful. Where I am wanted.”

“Where you --. You just dropped off the face of the Earth! You ditched your phone! Shit. I—you could’ve gotten yourself killed.”

“I can take care of myself, Dean. And Steven and I have each other’s backs.”

“Well good for you and Steven.” Silence.

“What do you want, Dean? Why are you here?”

Dean blinked. “Why am I..?”

“Werewolves.” Sam caught up with his brother. “We were following up on what looked like a werewolf case. Guess you got here first though.”

“Yes, we located the pack last night.”

“Right. Good.” Sam looked between the three other men. “So you’re, uh..?”

“Steven Palmer,” the hunter introduced himself.

“Sam Winchester. My brother, Dean.”

“Yeah, Cas told me about you two. Not that there’s any hunter who hasn’t heard of the Winchesters. You two have a habit of making trouble as often as you fix it.”

Dean threw an irritated glance at the man and opened his mouth to say something, but Cas intervened, repeating his earlier question.

“What do you want, Dean?”

Dean glared at Cas, and Palmer crossed the rest of the way in front of his truck to stand by Cas, slightly in front of him. Dean looked between the two men.

“Alright. Let’s go, Cas.”

Cas blinked. “What?”

“You’ve had your… whatever this is. Time to come home.”

Cas shook his head, disbelieving. “Dean. I don’t belong there anymore. You’ve made that abundantly clear. All I do is cause trouble for you and Sam.”

“Come on, Cas!” Dean took a few steps closer, and Palmer took a more defensive stance. “What do you think you’re doing here? You don’t know how the human world works, you need us!”

Cas stepped forward in response, until he and Dean were nearly toe-to-toe, Palmer now a step behind him.

“I know more than you think! The years I’ve lived here may be insubstantial when compared to my entire lifetime, but they have provided a variety of experiences from which I have learned, including as a human myself.”

“For three months, Cas! You said it yourself, that’s nothing to you. And now your powers are failing--.”

“I’ll be fine, Dean.”

“But what if you’re not?!” Dean’s voice broke. “I can’t lose you, too. Not again.”

“Dean…” Cas gently placed his hand on Dean’s arm, hesitant. Dean reciprocated the gesture, then moved his hand to Cas’s face. Rough stubble caressed callused palms. Dean caught his breath and pulled his hand way.

A flurry of emotions crossed Castiel’s face. Finally, he shook his head.

“I have to go, Dean.”

Palmer waited until Cas was in the passenger seat, then backed away and got in the truck.

The loud rumble of the truck’s engine faded as it pulled away, then disbursed into silence. Still several long minutes passed before Sam broke Dean’s reverie and they headed back to the motel.

* * * * *

The one time Sam tried to talk to Dean he was ignored completely, so he retreated to the comfort of his laptop. Dean went into the bathroom and turned on the shower. He stared at the streaming water, then closed the toilet lid and sat on it, shower still running.

What was Cas’s problem? Had everything been sunshine and roses lately? No, but when had it ever been that didn’t involve some sort of nefarious, paranormal entity? Right. No, any time things seemed to be going well, something would inevitably go wrong.

Yeah, why does that something always seem to be you?

Dean winced. He had regretted the words as soon as he’d said them. But he’d meant them. Were they fair? No. Was he an asshole for saying them? Yes. But he meant them, and he’d own them. Mom was dead, Jack was dead, Rowena was dead.

You don’t care. I’m dead to you.

Dean stood, restless. The bathroom was too small to pace. He gripped the edges of the counter, squeezing like he might break it in half, like it staying together was the only thing holding him together.

His reflection fractured. Bloodied. It felt better, more right, but he didn’t. He heard a timid knock at the door and ignored it. He turned off the shower, and the knocker seemed to take this to mean he was still alive at least.

Sam jumped when the bathroom door slammed open. In the dim lighting, it wasn’t until after Dean left that he noticed the spatters of blood left behind. Torn between the urge to make sure Dean was okay (relatively speaking) and give him the space he demanded, Sam set to cleaning up the blood.

Dean headed back to the bar. Whether his subconscious pointed him in that direction because it was the closest alcohol or the last place he saw Cas he couldn’t say, but when he only found one of those things there he left after just one drink, mumbling an apology and upping the tip for the blood.

He didn’t know where to go from the parking lot. He remembered the layout of the town well enough, could give you directions just as well as one of the locals he’d wager, just didn’t know where to go. Eventually, he had to move out of someone’s way and once he started moving just kept going, ending up walking along the river. Once the sounds of the occasional car were faint and the lights were blocked by the trees, he sat on the ground near the riverbank.

“Cas. You’re probably halfway to Oregon by now. I don’t know if you can still hear me, or if you are even bothering to listen to me if you can after the asshole I’ve been lately. For a long time.” Dean took a deep breath, steadying himself.

“I could make a long list of all the ways I’ve fucked up, but we’d be here all night and most of tomorrow. But I’m sorry. For all of it. I need you.” He paused for a long moment. If Cas was listening, he’d think that was all Dean had to say, but then he continued.

“No. That’s not right. I want you. With us. Powers or no powers, I don’t give a damn. You’re part of the team, you’re family.” Dean paused again, turning a rock over in his hands. He threw it into the river.

“I won’t ask you to come back,” he said softly. “You… you gotta do what’s right for you. But I hope you can hear me and know that I was wrong, not you. You are good, Cas. I hope you know that.”

Dean sat wordlessly then, listening to the river and wishing it could wash away his mistakes. The stars crept across the sky above, and the night’s chill slowly seeped into his bones. He endured the cold for a while, letting his shivers pay penance for his sins – or at least, scratch the surface of them – but eventually conceded that it wouldn’t be fair to Sam if he fell asleep and fell into the river and drowned.

His eyes had long since acclimated to the darkness, and he could easily pick out the path back to the road through the trees. He could also make out a person-shaped and -sized silhouette along that path. It appeared to be wearing a trench coat.

“How long have you been there?” he asked, approaching.

“A while,” replied Cas. “I wasn’t sure I would stay,” he admitted.

“You can still go if you want.”

For a minute, Castiel said nothing.

“Why am I here?” he asked.

“I’m guessing you had Steven drop you off and walked?”

“No, Dean.” Cas paused. “Well, yes. We’re actually staying the next town over and it would have been a long walk. But why am I here?”

Dean fidgeted, crossing his arms. Cas’s eyes flicked to his hand. “You’re bleeding.”

Dean switched his arms to cover his injured hand. “It’s nothing, stopped bleeding hours ago. What are you--.”

Cas took Dean’s hand in his own. Grace, fainter than it was in the past, interrupted the darkness.

“You shouldn’t have done that, Cas. You don’t know how much you have left.”

“Just say thank you, Dean.”

Dean blinked. “Thanks, Cas.”

“You’re welcome, Dean.”

When Cas said nothing more, Dean realized he was still waiting for an answer to his question. He wracked his brain and came up empty.

“Shit, Cas. You gotta help me out here. I’ve treated you like shit, you seem to have a good thing going with that Steven guy. Why are you here?”

“Because you called to me. I… I will always come when you call, Dean. But you said you will not ask me to stay. So, why should I?”

“Because… I want you to?”

Cas waited for more. Dean fidgeted, looking away, at a loss for what to say. Looking down at where his hand still rested in Cas’s palm. He looked back up into Cas’s eyes. A quarter moon had crept above the trees, lending just enough light to tell that Cas held his gaze. Dean’s heart pounded in his chest and his breaths became shallow, throat tight. He parted his lips to speak, but no words came out.

Cautiously, shyly he raised his free hand to Cas’s face. If it trembled, he put it down to the cold. If it only grazed Cas’s face and ended up threaded through his hair instead, maybe that was on account of the darkness. But when he used that hand to pull Cas towards him while he leaned in and slowly, desperately pressed their lips together, that was all Dean. And Cas kissed him back and pulled him closer and Dean sobbed in relief.

Eventually the kiss ran its course, but neither was inclined to be separated by even an inch so soon, so they continued to hold each other close, heads on shoulders, until even with their shared body heat Dean began to shiver again.

Cas huffed gently, trying to hide a laugh.

“Sure, laugh at the human,” grumbled Dean, but there was no bite behind it. Cas pulled back and Dean, reluctantly, followed suit. Cas raised one gently glowing hand to Dean’s forehead, and from it warmth flowed through his body. He closed his eyes, savoring the heat, then abruptly looked at Cas in concern.

“I’m fine, Dean. Please stop worrying and trust me.”

Dean nodded slowly. “Okay.” He hesitated, then leaned in and pressed a brief, uncertain kiss to Cas’s lips.

“Just checking if I imagined it,” he said softly after pulling away.

“You can kiss me anytime, Dean.”

Dean was grateful for the darkness, as he was quite sure he blushed.

“Does that mean..?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Let’s go home.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!
> 
> [TempestBlessed](https://tempestblessed.tumblr.com/) on Tumblr.


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